– Karen Grace Soans
Final year of college is a trying time. ‘So what’s next?’ seems to be on everybody’s lips. Gosh, I just finished three years of Chemistry, can I get a break? I was confused, constantly praying and asking God to give me direction. What should I do with my life?
And this was how He answered.
Matthew 10:39 – Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Not really what I was hoping to hear. But it laid heavily on my heart. For some reason I felt like understanding this verse was crucial to taking the next step.
What does it mean to lose my life for Him? I prayed.
It’s been two years now, and in the soft words of a fellow believer God answered.
The past two days have been a blur of activity. Lab work can be trying at times and physically exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, I love my work! But the body can only do so much. Sleep deprived, I decided to take the day off and just rest. I woke up all groggy, glanced at my table (workaholic that I am) and saw this.
‘Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus.’
I stopped. My brain struggled to make the connections. When it did, I silently thanked Mahima, a dear friend, for remembering when I didn’t. The plan was to study, sleep, study and sleep. That is my idea of a holiday. God had other ideas.
I began reading, with the intention of putting it away in a while and getting back to studies. I read straight on for two and half hours and finished broken and weeping before my Heavenly Father.
The last few chapters described the author’s intense struggle to reconcile the act of taking the decision to follow Christ with the obvious hurt it would cause his family. He cries before God to show him a way out. How could he lose the life he had with his loved ones and community? God answered.
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Nabeel says, “The Gospel was calling me to die.”
And it hit me. The Gospel was calling me to die. I had never thought about the good news that way. How ironic! The Good News was calling each one of us to die! I had always thought that Christianity meant to live for Christ, forgetting that to live for Him, I had to die to myself!
Here I was, lying on my bed, still believing that my life was my own. That it was my choice to make, that it was my choice to love, to live, to speak. I decided what to do with it! It was still my life!
I couldn’t hold back the tears. Sobbing, I confessed to God. Forgive me Father, for I still hold on to my life as mine! Forgive me Lord! Take it! I am dead. Only Christ lives. Use this mouth, use this voice, use this mind, use my hands, my feet, all for your Kingdom!
It is no longer I that live but Christ that lives in me! Christ, who is not bound by the flesh, the first fruit of resurrection! Christ who is the righteousness of God! I have the mind of Christ! I am redeemed!
I thought today would be a lazy day away from work but our God is one who hears and answers. He makes all things beautiful in His time! All glory to Him!